"Fowl Play" - Second Draft - Part 2 Now with even more apologies from: Erik Amill Act 3: The Chase We open on an aerial view of a LA highway. A car chase shoot-out is in progress. Three large black vans are zooming after a rusted out blue Honda Civic hatchback. The four vehicles weave in and out of traffic, tapping cars as they go. The Civic deftly makes it through the lanes and tight spots while the vans... well the vans are not so nimble. Phil can be heard over the noises of small arms and semi-automatic fire, traffic sounds and crashing cars. Phil: (Voice-over) The city of Angels. Once a grand metropolis of the west coast, it has become a land where battles play out upon its very highways. One such war finds four vehicles weaving in and out of traffic. The cars of the fallen crash and flip and carnage is strewn across the blacktop. In other word: just another Tuesday afternoon. Cut to an exterior shot of the front of Phil's Civic, viewer looking in through the windshield. We see that Phil's expression is more annoyed than anything considering the situation. The Chicken is not faring as well. The camera swings wildly as Phil avoids unseen cars. We can see the havoc caused by the vans hitting cars swerving to avoid stray fire and the rust bucket of a hatchback. Once again, Phil is talking out loud to himself. Phil: My name is Phil and I'm a wheelman. My work: I do the dirty jobs others won't... and drive really fast. My cargo: One large Chicken with a price on his head. The back window explodes in a sea of glass as rounds from the vans make contact with the Civic. The Chicken screams and ducks lower in his seat. Phil's eye twitches a little but he is otherwise un-phased. Chicken: (Freaking out in the passenger seat) Holy jeez! Those guys are really trying to hit us! Phil: (Swerving) Yes. Yes they are. Phil unexpectedly reaches for something under his seat. Unfortunately, all the swerving has pushed whatever he is looking for pretty deep into the back of the car. The Chicken having a fit isn't helping either. Phil: (Looking behind his seat) Hey Big Bird, take the wheel for a sec. With that, Phil turns around and begins to rummage through the backseat. The little Civic starts to swerve while Phil's legs dangle and twitch as he searches deep for the mystery item. Chicken watches him for a beat then grabs at the wheel. FX: Screech! Chicken: (Grabs the wheel) Hey, hey! What do ya' think you're doing?! Phil: (Pops head up from the back seat) Saving our lives. Now steer the car while I take care of some business back here! Between looking in back and working the gas pedal, Phil finds what he has been rummaging around for. He pulls out a massive revolver that reads "Obligatory Hand Cannon" on its barrel. Phil: (Kisses the barrel) Gotcha'. Phil spins back around to the front and takes his proper place at the wheel. Chicken is thrown back into his seat as a van slams the back of the tiny car. Phil flicks the gun barrel open, checking for useable rounds. Phil: (Hands the gun to the Chicken) Can you work this? Chicken: (Takes the gun from Phil) Yeah... I mean, I've never shot one before but... Phil: (Pushes the Chicken towards the window) Good. Just pull the hammer back, point it at those guys shooting at us, and fire! Cut to a side shot of the car. Chicken nearly falls out the window as Phil swerves to avoid a minivan full of kids. With all that movement, the Chicken fires the heavy Hand Cannon at the ground just behind the car's back tire. FX: Boom! Cut to a wide shot. We can see the cars on the highway with the Civic taking center stage. The kickback from the gun sends the little Civic sailing forward a good three feet in the air. The gun blast leaves a sizable hole in the ground. Poor motorists don't even see it coming. The havoc caused by the Chicken's misfire creates a big enough traffic jam to allow Phil and the Chicken to escape. Chicken: (Falls back in his seat) That was nuts! Phil: (Carefully takes the gun away from the Chicken) Yeah... uh, you don't get to use the gun anymore. Phil and Chicken drive on for a beat as they catch their breath from the car chase. Chicken collects himself from all the excitement. Chicken: So why were those guys shooting at us? Phil: (Pulls off the highway) No reason really. Just some bill collectors or something... Never you mind. Chicken: Your car is full of holes Phil. Do you think we'll make it to the drop off point? Phil: (Pats the dashboard) "The Bastion of Hope" here is like a Tank. She's never let me down. Almost as soon as Phil says that, the little Civic that could sputters and dies. The needle of the gas gauge is resting firmly on Empty. Phil does a Petro-tap in disbelief then puts his head down on the steering wheel. Phil pulls the side of the road as the car glides to a smooth stop. Chicken: (Snickering) Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I smelt gas as we were turning off the highway. I think some of those rounds might have pierced "The Bastion's" gas tank. Phil: Laugh it up, feather duster. Just get out and push. The place is about a block and a half away. Chicken: Funny. Fade to black. End Act 3. Act 4: The Standoff Phil and the Chicken push the rust bucket of a hatchback to the Drop Off point. The place is a classic beat-up old warehouse with broken windows. The two collapse on the Civic's back. Phil: (Exhausted) This... this is the place. Chicken: (Equally exhausted) It better be. That's what you said about that rundown house about a block back. Phil: Hey, I thought they knew you! I thought "El Pollo Loco" was some kind of nickname or something. Chicken: "El Pollo Loco" means "The Crazy Chicken." Why do you think they ran off? Phil: (Shrugs) Whatever. Look, just call the guys so we can get this done. Chicken: (Pulls out a megaphone) I'm here! Show me the hostage so I know she's not hurt! From one of the ground floor broken windows pops a beautiful raven-haired woman, Chicken's wife Tasha, bound and blindfolded. Tasha: Don't do it! It's not worth it! Tasha is pulled back into the shadows. Chicken goes to rush into the building but Phil grabs Chicken's shoulder. Phil: (Grabbing the Chicken's shoulder) Don't even pull that hero crap on me now. Chicken: But I know I can take him! Phil: You go in there and she's as good as dead. Chicken: (Sighs) Fine. Just tell them I'm ready. Phil: (Grabs the megaphone) Come out slowly and bring the girl! I have the chicken and we're ready to make the trade. Phil and Chicken stand together as a poorly masked man leads Tasha outside at gunpoint. Chicken and Tasha walk towards each other and stop for a moment as they pass. Chicken: (Whispers) It's cool. Phil's a pro. He's got a plan. Tasha: (Whispers) Be careful, honey. The trade off made, Phil takes Tasha over to the poor excuse for a hatchback. Phil: (Removes the woman's blindfold) It's cool now. I think the Chicken's got a plan. Tasha: But Max said you had a plan? Phil: (Draws his Hand Cannon) Aw crap. Chicken! Get down! Phil raises his overly powered weapon of screaming lead-filled doom and fires at the poorly masked man. He let's out a primordial battle cry as he squeezes the over and over again. Unfortunately, Phil never thought to reload the gun. The Chicken and the poorly masked man stand there stunned. Poorly Masked Man: (Confused) What the hell? Tasha, Chicken and the Poorly Masked Man all stop for a beat looking at Phil. Phil stands there curiously looking into the barrel of his gun, as if by some random twist of fate the bullets "disappeared" after he pulled the trigger. Poorly Masked Man: (Upset and pointing) Did... did you just shoot at me with an empty gun?! Chicken: (Upset) Phil, you ass! Load your gun before you shoot! Phil flicks the chamber open and lets the shells spill out on to the ground. His expression is calm and collected, like this was just all a part of a grand plan. Phil: Just a... "Diversionary Tactic." Now you're really in for it! Chicken: (Really Angry) That's it! While Phil digs in his pockets for bullets, Chicken kicks the Poorly Masked Man in the shin and pecks at his head until he falls to the ground unconscious. Once down, Chicken stomps the Poorly Masked Man one last time. Chicken: (To the Poorly Masked Man) Buck buck, mutha' fucker. Tasha: (Happily) Max! Chicken turns as Tasha runs up to him, wrapping her arms around him like a High School sweetheart and kissing him on the beak. Chicken: (Hugs Tasha) Who loves ya' babe. Tasha: What? No poultry jokes? Chicken: (Walks with his arm wrapped around Tasha toward Phil) What can I say? I just didn't feel like "Chicken Tonight." Tasha: (Playfully hits him in the chest) Man, that was bad. Phil: (To Tasha and Chicken) That's one chicken delivered and one damsel saved, just as you asked. You even got to save the day. Tasha: Thank you. Now... let's go home. The strange trio walks toward the bullet hole ridden car and laugh as the screen fades to black. Chicken: Hey Phil... if the car's busted: how do we get home?